5:59AM.

No alarm.  No noise.   My eyes just open up, magically, on their own.  It’s time. 

The results come back today.   The amalgamate of three years of my life.   There are four parts to the CPA exam.  I won’t go into the detail of why, how and which.  Let me just say, I’m praying the 15^th time is the charm.  

It better be at over two hundred bucks a pop.   That doesn’t even involve the study material which is just as bad.  You would imagine I was a masochist, willing to be locked up in a small room, cooped up for extended periods of time, cramming things into my head.   Saying no to friends and pumping another cup of joe. 

No, its not because I’m Asian.  We don’t like taking tests THAT much.

I couldn’t face my parents.   They love me unconditionally.  Also, they believe in my potential.  Which makes It all the bit worse because how can I not pass?  I am capable of ANYTHING, if I put my mind to it. 

I couldn’t face my peers.  Those who went on to more lucrative careers and bigger companies.  Those who were happy with what they did.   Those who had already passed.  Their eyes kept saying…what’s up with you?  

I couldn’t face myself.   What in the world was I looking to do in life and was I truly giving it my all?   Every morning the knowledge that I would need to put in at least another two hours a night until the test date weighed on my shoulders and showed on my face.  Baggy eyes and unkempt hair, all in order to be done… or was that from the partying last night and the drinks to fool myself that not studying was okay. 

Back to the ceiling.  It’s time.  All I need is a 75 to pass, my last score was a 68.  Lucky # 7, oh lady luck, please, now would be a good time to make a cameo.


California Board of Accountancy website => log-in => score results.

Fuck.   As I scroll down thorough, it says...

To be continued